文／美國佛心寺英文研經禪修班學員　傳得

　　自從二○一五年一月來到佛心寺學習禪修後，發現禪修與佛法是相輔相成的。練習禪修的同時，也體現了佛法，我將與大家分享禪修如何改變了我的人生。

　　幾年前，繼父罹患了極嚴重的心臟病，伴隨著其他的健康問題，讓他的心臟搭橋手術變得更為複雜。當時繼父一家急需幫忙，我便義不容辭地去了。醫院遠在車程大約一小時四十五分鐘的地方，住院期間，即便是冬天惡劣的天候，使往返路程得花更長的時間，我們每天仍然都會去醫院探望和照顧他。出院後，我們將繼父接回家，並協助母親一起照顧他。就在這段期間，母親得了很嚴重的肺炎。

　　而小叔在十八個月前被診斷為腎癌。我陪著小叔和他的妻子找了醫生進行評估，醫生建議接受安寧療護，他自己也決定放棄所有治療。我們根據各自的狀況安排了一個輪值表，確保在任何時候都有人陪伴他。然而這種情形沒有持續多久，他們一家人應付不了這個艱鉅的任務，於是我便搬去小叔家住。

落實佛法　跨越逆境

　　面臨上述兩種境界，我選擇了直下承擔，從未考慮過自己必須放棄或即將錯失些什麼。經歷了那麼多苦難和折磨，親人們飽嘗老、病、死、愛別離、怨憎會及求不得苦，甚而身心失調。過往一切歷歷在目，因此開始反思，當時的我，是如何能夠安然度過那段時光。

　　第一，奉行中台四箴行。對下以慈：成全了小叔的孩子們全心全力地參與照顧，而我則無怨無悔地讓他們無後顧之憂。對上以敬：即使我的母親剛開始烹煮的食物對健康幫助不大，但我並沒有說出負面的話。事後，我告訴她如何健康地飲食，並且一起為大家烹調食物。對人以和：我始終誠心感恩每一位醫護人員，對於家人所付出的照顧與關懷，並在有人對他們不滿時，盡力維護他們。對事以真：無論多麼艱難、無論要花多少時間，只要是需要做的事情，自己都會盡最大的努力去完成。

　　第二，修習六波羅蜜法門。布施：為了照顧生病的家人傾盡時間，不但放下了工作，也要付出額外交通費用。持戒：在家人最脆弱時給與他們慈悲和尊重。忍辱：每當病人或家人對我發怒時，學會先不與之相應。精進：遇到苦難和煩惱時絕不退縮，直到所有要做的事情都圓滿。禪定：堅持靜坐禪修。般若：認真研讀經典，反覆思惟師父在禪修班所教授的佛法。

　　第三，歸向依靠三寶。練習將奔流的思緒，從忙亂中歇止、抽離，並觀照當下的心念。逆境現前時，不斷反覆思惟佛法，從中尋求指引。也常常回憶起師父們的言行，並練習與他人分享學佛的點點滴滴。

　　在這些經歷中，我體會到生活與修行是密不可分的。當精進於禪修，並在日用中保持一顆平靜的心，修了以後不執著，就是落實真正的修行——修而無修。

　（I came to Buddha Mind Monastery to learn meditation in January of 2015. It turns out that meditation and Buddhism go hand in hand. When you practice one you are practicing the other and vice versa. I will share a few of my experiences with you and how Meditation made a difference in my life.

　A few years ago my step father suffered a massive heart attack. He had a lot of other health issues which complicated the needed bypass. They needed help, so I went there. The hospital was an hour and forty five minutes away and we drove there every day during his stay. This was in the winter, which made the trips even longer. After releasing from the hospital we took him home and I helped mom with his care. During this time my mom got very sick, with the onset of pneumonia.

　My brother-in-law was diagnosed with kidney cancer eighteen months ago. I joined him and his wife to go to a major cancer center for his evaluation. The doctor’s recommendation was hospice. My brother-in-law decided he was done with treatments. We set up a schedule for someone to be with him at all the times. That did not last very long, they could not handle him. At that point I moved in with them.

　In both of these situations I jumped right in. Never once thinking about what I would give up or miss during this time. There was a lot of suffering going on in these situations. The families were experiencing aging, illness, death, being separated from those they love, being around those they did not like, not getting what they wanted and mind body imbalance. I reflected on these experiences and how I handled them.

　I used the Four Tents. To our juniors be kind: The children of my brother-in-law were involved with his care. I would let them do what they thought was needed then I took care of the rest. To our elders be respectful: even though my mother was cooking them unhealthy meals I never said a negative word about it. Latter I talk to her about healthy eating and we worked together to plan meals. With all humanity be harmonious: with all of the medical people in these events I thanked them for all they were doing and always defended them when someone was upset with them. In all endeavors be true: I tried my best to do all that I thought needed to be done no matter how long it took or how hard it was to do.

　I practiced the six paramitas. Charity: by giving of my time, the costs incurred while I was away from work and traveling expenses. Morality: I was very respectful of these family members in their vulnerable times. Tolerance: there was a lot of anger and displaced feelings thrown at me which I did not react to. Diligence: I keep at it until the job was done and some things were difficulty and unpleasant. Meditation: I practiced a lot. Prajna Wisdom: I read sutras and reviewed classroom work.

　The Three Refuges: I would take time to think about the present mind to get away from all the busyness going on around me. When challenged during these times I would reflect on the Dharma for guidance. I thought of the Abbess and shifus and what they had shared with me and how I could share it with others.

　What I came to understand from these experiences was that all of these practices work together. When you meditate and keep a quiet mind in your daily life you practice and don’t realize you are practicing. So you are practicing, yet you are not practicing.）